So I decided that it would be more beneficiary for me to express some deep thoughts I have been thinking, inside of the dumb stuff I do. Even though I probably will add in the random things like tripping upstairs (like today) going up to my RA mailbox in the student union. But I feel like all that stuff is so shallow so I am going to go to bit deeper.
When some people think of last call, the bar comes into mind. But this last call has a completely different meaning to me.
Yesterday I got a call from my mother as I am finishing up my accounting class (where I found out I got a 94% on my test) WOOP WOOP! But anyway I answer the call because my teacher is just passing back the test and I immediately say I will call you after class and hang up. After class comes to an endf and I am on my way back to my fruit fly infested apartment, I call her back. The reason she called was to tell me my grandfather looks like he only has about a week to live and maybe not even that, maybe till on Wednesday, so I should give him a call to say my last words.
Here is a few backround details you might need to know: 1. My Grandpa is 83 and was diagnosed with Lou Gehrig’s disease a little while back and he has been in Hospice for a couple weeks. My grandma has the beginning stages of Dementia and is still living at home. 2. My grandparents live in Michigan in a little town called Saginaw, where my Dad and his brother grew up. and 3. He reminds me of one of the old men in the movie called Grumpy Old Men. He loves fishing, hunting and telling all his grandkids to pull his finger. Oh and trying to hook me up with boys in Michigan.
So I get this call and I don’t know what to do with it. So naturally I stop by the guys house on the way to my apartment and run into Tom and Chris. I tell Tom in a shocking laughing mood, that my grandpa is going to die and he asked why I was smiling about that and I said because that is how I handle this kind of news. I had just talked to my mom not 5 minutes ago and the news of my grandfathers death I had not yet fathomed.
I am not terribly close with my Grandparents in Michigan but they care about me and as the years have gone by I have grown to appreciate and love them. Every summer we go up to the lake house and visit for about a week or so. The memories of turtle hunting (and returning them to the water before going home), water skiing, annual canoeing, the Dunes, Mackinaw Island, and always having dessert with dinner, come to mind when I think about my Grandparents. I can remember clear as day the time Stephanie “caught” Grandpa when they were fishing and he had to go to Emergency care to get the hook out. Or the time I played catch with Grandpa and he told me of the time he met Grandma at the Dance Hall, what now we refer to as clubs haha. But I digress.
Before my mother called me she gave me a text with the number of where to call. And I told myself ok I will call him tomorrow. I think I wasn’t prepared to talk to him. What was I suppose to say? Hey how’s it going? …… I knew that answer.
So I decided to call him after class today, which was cancelled so I went to the gym. After I got out of the gym around 11 am. I walked back to my apartment with my phone to my ear, listening to the dial-tone, with unexpected anticipation. My heart was racing. The dial-tone keeps ringing and it ends saying something like, your parties extension was not able to pick up the phone at this time please call back later. You will be discounted Goodbye.
I got back to my apartment and decided to call my sister Melanie. She is in Michigan with my grandpa, my dad and uncle. She was giving me an update of what was going on and I started to weep. On my front steps to my apartment I sobbed and I wasn’t sure why. My sister reassured me I did not need to worry and I knew that too. I will see my Grandpa again in Heaven but there may be no more memories to be made. No more playing catch, no more pulling his finger, no more canoeing and falling in the river. Maybe that is why I wept or just that fact that I won’t be by his side or I am mournful for my Dad, seeing his Dad slowly dwindle into God’s arms. My sister said he is ready to go and is not scared, he has already seen his brothers and love ones in Heaven. He is just waiting, I am not sure for what but waiting.
So after only hearing the dial-tone this morning, I yearn for a chance to hear his voice one last time. I tried again about an hour ago but the nurse in his room answered and said he was sleeping. She asked to for me to leave a message and I told her to tell him I called. I will persist until I cannot persist anymore. There is a time and place for everything under heaven and earth. Keep my family in your prayers. Help us to understand he will be in a better place, with no more pain and suffering. Pray that we can use this as a way to glorify God’s kingdom.
I will keep you updated on when I finally get through. And when I finally say my last words to him. And I make that last call.
~ later days