Wow its been a long time!

It has been a super long time since I have posted anything and a lot has changed and if you know me you might have been able to see it. I am not sure if its for the good or the bad, all I can say is that I learned a lot in the last few months.

As of right now I am sitting at summer camp with a free period finally! If you did not know I work at a summer camp at my high school. I am the video coordinator and what I basically do is come up with ideas, film the kids, edit the video and they watch it on the big screen on friday’s. So once a week I have to do this. The kids all love it but half the time I really don’t. Don’t get me wrong I love playing, but if I have a video due at the end of the week play stops and work begins. I can get frustrated very easily doing this job but…. thats for a different day.

You might be wondering why I started to blog again. Well I was reminded by a friend that I had one and thought I should start it up again

So here is a recap on my past couple months.

1. I turned 21 going into the second semester of my jurnior year.

2. I had one the hardest class in our major (public relations in sport).

3. My sister got married!

4. I almost had no money left to my name.

5. Now I am working summer camp.

Hopefully the next 5 blogs will be about each of those things…. but we will see but for now.

BACK TO SUMMER CAMP!

 

~later days

t.dark

Let God Write Your Love Story

Sorry I have been really busy and have not been able to post anything. Finals are here and I don’t want to study so here I am writing a blog.

For the past couple weeks I have been reading this book, when God writes your love story. It is probably the most practical book in my life as of now. Basically it goes into how to give God the pen to your love life and He will make it better than we EVER could. Most of the time we think God doesn’t really know what we want in a relationship or even how to be romantic but, He is the biggest romancer of all. Have you ever read Song of Solomon yeah its pretty romantic. And God knows us and knows what we want. He knows my secret list, that list that every girl has in the back of they mind at what kind of guy I want, every girl can rattle that off in a heartbeat. So he knows what I am looking for and He knows the person out there that is actually “the one”. So why not let him write the story for me instead of me trying to search for a guy and settle for anyone that is eh.. good enough.

After dating someone for a long time and then getting heartbroken (and mind you it was more than a year ago we broke up) your mentality of dating is a little tarnished, even still. You try as hard as you can but your always are a little bitter. But only God can help with that, I thought after I was dumped I forgave him completely and I was fine, but I realized I need to forgive him and anyone else that hurt me, not just once, but 77 times 7. Atleast thats what the bible says. FORGIVE FORGIVE AND FORGIVE AGAIN! I don’t think you can forgive enough. And for some people this can be hard, but when it comes to forgiveness I think of how many times God has forgiven me. WOW as I type that it really hit me, God has forgiven me for so much “stuff” like really think about it. I have screwed up so many times, in so many ways, I dishonored his name countless times, didn’t love others as they should be, and I am broken.

……and nothing in this world can fix it. Not guys, Not getting good grades, Not trying to please others, Not trying to be a “cool RA”, nothing.

again I repeat for myself NOT GUYS! that is a hard one for me because I like guys. I like the whole dating thing. I want to hold someone’s hand, cuddle up while watching a movie, talk to someone for hours on end, give a goodnight kiss, care for someone when they are sick, make them dinner, play sports with, watch their intermural games, just “be a couple”. But that is not what God wants for me right now. He wants me to focus on Him and giving Him the pen to my love story, giving Him the pen of my LIFE! Cause right now I am trying to write my own life and it just does not goes as well as if He wrote it. I am not saying my life is falling apart, it is just better with Him writing it.

This is really easy to type and really easy say but really hard to actually do. Giving up my pride, my selfishness, my guys, everything. All for a greater life. Which sometimes does not seem as great as everyone else but all I have to do is think about the future, in a society that only cares about the now.

And as of right now I do need to get back to studying. And give that up to God too! If I put in the effort He will show me results, but I got to put in the effort first. so….. maybe I will finish later after exams!

 

~later days

t.dark

A different kind of Thanksgiving

Sorry I haven’t blogged in a while I have been super busy and haven’t had time I started writing this blog like last week right when we got back from Thanksgiving break and never got time to finish so here it is:

So as you might know after reading my last blog entry, that my grandpa passed away and is praising the Lord in heaven. So over thanksgiving break we had the funeral service and the viewing. The viewing was first it was on the Friday after thanksgiving. But let me first tell you about our thanksgiving dinner.

This year was a bit different, instead of a house full of thanksgiving aromas, turkey in the oven, or peas on the stove, we went to Old Country Buffet. Now some of you may be like awwww that’s kinda sad, but I would like to think of it a different way. Instead of a home cooked meal, we might have had turkey that looked like ham or a taco instead of green bean casserole  but I was with my family. And isnt that what it’s all about. Being with family. And the best part about my family is that we like to laugh. And the best part of eating at old country buffet was my Grandma. If you don’t already know my grandma has the beginning stages of dementia, so she is not playing with full deck, she keeps losing her marbles and all you can do is laugh, well at this stage. So my grandma is coming back from getting a hefty plate of dessert, I mean 2 cookies, a slice of pie and you can’t forget the soft serve ice cream spilling over the side of the plate. So as she is coming back to the table her foot gets caught on some ladies bag or something. She is just standing there shaking her leg, just really confused and everyone else back at my table is laughing cause the ice cream is about the topple, myself included. So after a bit of laughter I go, is anyone gonna help her? I get up to dash to the rescue and she has everything all situated and under control. Her face is just like what is the fat a** lady doing with her pursue in the aisle. And we couldn’t help but BUST OUT laughing haahaha. All you can say is OH GRANDMA! So my family likes to laugh.

Although when I got to the viewing it was not all belly’s full of laughter. I was sad and crying uncontrollably at the sight of my dead grandpa, I couldn’t bare to look. I was scared. I don’t like opened casket’s, not at all. It seemed like my family had it under control why couldn’t I pull it together, I was debating that question in my mind for the half an hour of waterfalls streaming from my face. And I never figured it out and I am ok with that. As the weeks have gone by his death hasn’t crept around in my mind, only now since I have decided to finish this blog.

My thoughts aren’t really on this topic too much anymore. My mind is running around with different thoughts. Sorry I couldnt finish the post.

 

~later days

t.dark

PrAiSe the LORD for eternity!

The news came in the middle of a thanksgiving dinner, on the passed saturday night, with the leadership group. I didn’t hear my phone the first or second time, but I saw there was missed calls. I removed myself from Brockie 302 and sat in the nook of the hallway intensely listening to the call. My mom said with tears in her voice, Grandpa went to be with the Lord he passed away about an hour ago. I didn’t respond. She went on the explain that my sister, dad, uncle and uncle Dick were there by his side as he left this world. I talked to my sister a few days before and she said all he wanted was for someone to hold his hand as he departed, his wish was granted. That made me happy. I cried on the phone for only a small amount because I needed to hold myself together for my leaders back inside. I got back in and did not really want to share the news, cause I knew the response. Oh I’m  so sorry, are you ok? Yeah I was perfectly fine, there was nothing I can do but think about my family and ponder. I wasn’t angry or frustrated. And sad is too simple of a word to express my emotion. I went on with my night with the news not really sinking in. And it wont, till I go to Michigan and  be with my family and see the tears they shed for the lose of a loved one.

As I wake up Sunday morning I hop in the shower before I head to church. The service this morning was about PRAISE! As my focus was a little blurred the words that stuck out to me the most were; we get to praise God for eternity! And my Grandpa gets to do that starting now. How amazing is it that we praise God and will forever, if you know Jesus as your Savior. As I sang the worship songs with my fellow believers I could not help my smile and glow with joy. The smirk on my face left my cheeks hurting even after we stopped singing. Even in all the hard stuff I have Joy knowing Christ. So as Kim Martin would say it:

~ later days

t.dark

p.s. I think the only reason I feel filled with Joy is because of my brothers and sisters praying for me and my family so THANKS TO EVERYONE! and start PRAISING THE LORD!

Last Call

So I decided that it would be more beneficiary for me to express some deep thoughts I have been thinking, inside of the dumb stuff I do. Even though I probably will add in the random things like tripping upstairs (like today) going up to my RA mailbox in the student union. But I feel like all that stuff is so shallow so I am going to go to bit deeper.

When some people think of last call, the bar comes into mind. But this last call has a completely different meaning to me.

Yesterday I got a call from my mother as I am finishing up my accounting class (where I found out I got a 94% on my test) WOOP WOOP! But anyway I answer the call because my teacher is just passing back the test and I immediately say I will call you after class and hang up. After class comes to an endf and I am on my way back to my fruit fly infested apartment, I call her back. The reason she called was to tell me my grandfather looks like he only has about a week to live and maybe not even that, maybe till on Wednesday, so I should give him a call to say my last words.

Here is a few backround details you might need to know: 1. My Grandpa is 83 and was diagnosed with Lou Gehrig’s disease a little while back and he has been in Hospice for a couple weeks. My grandma has the beginning stages of Dementia and is still living at home. 2. My grandparents live in Michigan in a little town called Saginaw, where my Dad and his brother grew up. and 3. He reminds me of one of the old men in the movie called Grumpy Old Men. He loves fishing, hunting and telling all his grandkids to pull his finger. Oh and trying to hook me up with boys in Michigan.

So I get this call and I don’t know what to do with it. So naturally I stop by the guys house on the way to my apartment and run into Tom and Chris. I tell Tom in a shocking laughing mood, that my grandpa is going to die and he asked why I was smiling about that and I said because that is how I handle this kind of news. I had just talked to my mom not 5 minutes ago and the news of my grandfathers death I had not yet fathomed.

I am not terribly close with my Grandparents in Michigan but they care about me and as the years have gone by I have grown to appreciate and love them. Every summer we go up to the lake house and visit for about a week or so. The memories of turtle hunting (and returning them to the water before going home), water skiing, annual canoeing, the Dunes, Mackinaw Island, and always having dessert with dinner, come to mind when I think about my Grandparents. I can remember clear as day the time Stephanie “caught” Grandpa when they were fishing and he had to go to Emergency care to get the hook out. Or the time I played catch with Grandpa and he told me of the time he met Grandma at the Dance Hall, what now we refer to as clubs haha. But I digress.

Before my mother called me she gave me a text with the number of where to call. And I told myself ok I will call him tomorrow. I think I wasn’t prepared to talk to him. What was I suppose to say? Hey how’s it going? …… I knew that answer.

So I decided to call him after class today, which was cancelled so I went to the gym. After I got out of the gym around 11 am. I walked back to my apartment with my phone to my ear, listening to the dial-tone, with unexpected anticipation. My heart was racing.  The dial-tone keeps ringing and it ends saying something like, your parties extension was not able to pick up the phone at this time please call back later. You will be discounted Goodbye.

I got back to my apartment and decided to call my sister Melanie. She is in Michigan with my grandpa, my dad and uncle. She was giving me an update of what was going on and I started to weep. On my front steps to my apartment I sobbed and I wasn’t sure why. My sister reassured me I did not need to worry and I knew that too. I will see my Grandpa again in Heaven but there may be no more memories to be made. No more playing catch, no more pulling his finger, no more canoeing and falling in the river. Maybe that is why I wept or just that fact that I won’t be by his side or I am mournful for my Dad, seeing his Dad slowly dwindle into God’s arms. My sister said he is ready to go and is not scared, he has already seen his brothers and love ones in Heaven. He is just waiting, I am not sure for what but waiting.

So after only hearing the dial-tone this morning, I yearn for a chance to hear his voice one last time. I tried again about an hour ago but the nurse in his room answered and said he was sleeping. She asked to for me to leave a message and I told her to tell him I called. I will persist until I cannot persist anymore. There is a time and place for everything under heaven and earth. Keep my family in your prayers. Help us to understand he will be in a better place, with no more pain and suffering. Pray that we can use this as a way to glorify God’s kingdom.

I will keep you updated on when I finally get through. And when I finally say my last words to him. And I make that last call.

~ later days

t.dark

Eerie Day in Pennsylvania

Its an eerie day in Pennsylvania, and the weather seems to agree. As I woke up this morning still with the fresh news of Joe Paterno receiving his fatal call, I walk outside to see a cast of gloom over the sky. I am not upset that Joe Pa was terminated I am devastated by the agony surrounding the situation. Tears of remorse stream down from many. Not only because he was fired, but because the legacy he left is now blemished. I believe he will still be known for being the winniest coach, but that name now has a black spot over some of the letters. The word is smudged and it gets a little hard to see what it says, all because of one mistake.

History was made yesterday, this is the kind of jargon will be taught in Achtzen’s History and Philosophy of sport class in years to come. Textbooks that honor Joe Pa and his success will now become tarnished and replaced with this scandal. Sport classes all over the nation will be debating over this very issue today and weeks to come. As I flip on ESPN the name Joe Paterno and Penn State are spoken time and time again.

We have to keep in mind we all make mistakes. If there is anyone out there who has not made a mistake please let me know. As for now we are all in the same boat. The difference here; he was famous, and known to be an honorable man, Not to say that he isn’t now just things have changed. Some may say we could relate this incident to the Tiger Woods affair, but this is different. This is college, this effects not just one person but the thousands of students, parents, fans, and families that chant WE ARE…..

This scandal has brought me to realize, once again, how much we need Christ. His love, His embrace, His understanding, His judgement, His forgiveness. Christ has died for all of this, keep that in mind. All the tragedy and outrage brought upon us, He paid it all.

Being a positive person I always try to see the bright side of things. With this its tough, but I know good will come out of this. I have Hope. I have Hope in the Lord, that He will use this for good. I know this breaks His heart, but He is God. I can’t even count how many times I have heard students, reporters, players, Joe Pa himself simply utter ” Let’s just pray for the victims” or “Keep the victims in our prayers.” If everyone actually listening and acted upon this request, with whole heartedness, I can’t even fathom what God could do. Ponder that.

later days

~ t.dark

Me and My Busy Shadow

First off I want to congratulate the Men’s Soccer Team for winning the CAC championship in Salisbury. I had the honor to go down there and take video for it, which I have been editing all day. I will post the link, once I finish it. You can check out the write up at this website: http://www.ycpspartans.com/sports/msoc/2011-12/releases/20111105f9ubif

So after the game Saturday it was a long three hour bus ride back to York where I slept most of the time. At York I hung out with Zach Claubaugh in the athletic communication office, after snacking on some Chiptole of course, and starting working on editing. By the time we had to leave it was 11 and it seemed like all my friends were gone for the weekend, which was true, so I just went back into apartment and went to bed (after watching How I Met Your Mother lol as per-usu). It has been a lonely weekend, even though I have been around many people. Friday after bible study I played volleyball and Ping Pong with Evan Frock for a few hours, then had my ping pong match which I lost in the final set 23-25 (womp, womp). By this time it was like 3 so I sat in my apartment watching TV till I had to babysit at 6. After babysitting I watched the basketball scrimmage and went to hotdog handout, which I thought was a success. Proclaim God’s love for people through Hotdogs, it a fun time every time.

 So that brings us to Sunday after a jumbled up Saturday first then Friday, but anyways. Sunday I woke up and went to Church of the Open Door by myself at the 9:30 service. You think it would be awkward to go alone but I think God is teaching me something by doing things unaccompanied. I believe He is teaching me that all I ever need in life is Him and nothing else. Yes, you need other people to survive and it is always good to have supportive friends, but its all about balance. With God Himself first and foremost. God will provide everything you need in life if you ask Him. After I got back from church I found myself still solo, as my roommate was not back. But I was ok, I went over to do work on main and accomplished some editing.

Although this weekend seemed like it was always just me and my shadow, it was a busy. With playing on Friday, Soccer on Saturday and work on Sunday. I always had something to do, its kind of my nature. You may call it boring because I didn’t go out but I had fun just hanging by myself. Rarely do I ever do that, I can’t even remember the last time I was by myself for the weekend, unless it was RA training, but anyway. Here is something to keep in mind if you are ever feeling alone.

If you believe in God you are never alone, He is always there with you. In the good times and the bad, God is always there. You will always have someone to talk to, and only He knows what is really going on. Christ is my shadow, and sometimes when the sun is bright the shadow is vibrant and outspoken, but when the sun goes down and the light is flickering the shadow starts to fade. So keep the Son right next to you so your shadow can always be shining bright.

~ later days

tdark